It's not that usual that I suddenly find myself drown again, after such a long time, in deafening silence and loneliness, and begin to feel sorry about the not-so-conspicuous consumption I indulged into during my college years. The sensation of regret tingles in me now especially when I think of the hardship and sacrifices you have to make in order for us to get us to school.
I feel bad that while I did quite well in school, glued back all of me every time I break into pieces, jollied with friends I can rely on, I wasn't there when you needed me most; 'cause to be honest, I miss hugging you and talking to you and laughing with you. I look back and see, and realize how big a time was lost because of us being technically apart when we had to make these simple little actions of studying independently to the least expense, in the best schools in Metro Manila we could afford. Luckily, God gave me (insert QC university).
Remember when we had nothing, and all you could give me for my daily expenses in elementary school was a 10 Php to get me by? I have to tell you, I understood our situation at that time but there lived ache and grudge as to why I had to suffer that way. And now it has began sinking in; you gave me 10 Php at that time, while you had nothing at all.
You loved me too much, while you loved yourself too little. I feel weak I can't even complete my thoughts right now.
From that day on, I told myself to keep and save money for as long as I can. I kept them inside picture frames, in between pages of my books, at the bottom of drawers - because I wanted to take part and be the solution. At least, I got to become our savior even for just a few days when we couldn't afford anything.
As I reminisce all the times I purchased a good shirt, shoes or pants because I needed to reward myself due to the complexities of college life, I realize you did have lives painted with the simplicity no once could ever define and perceive. You didn't even buy a single thing for yourselves - a nice dress/shirt to make you feel good, or a great belt to tie up your loose pants, or a pair of socks to warm your feet in the cold.
I feel bad that I had to see you suffer that way, while you hide away all the anguish hardships had brought us. I want to appease you; I want to jump-start a business empire so that I could give you anything and everything you want. But at this point, all I could give is a diploma and an assurance that I will not fail you. I'm sorry I have to take this road less taken. I really don't mean to cause you so much more burden, but I want to do this because I know this is the only way I could bring us to your dreams.
Because I know that the biggest dream you both want, not just for yourselves, but for us as well, is to see us succeed in life. That's why I'm doing this, chasing your dreams.
In a few days, I'll be entering __________ school. I truly apologize for the mistakes I made in the past and thank you for the extension of your undying and unconditional love and support for us, your babies. Just a few more years of passionate work, that's all you will have to wait; (I know it's a bit long, and the unbearable thought, that while we grow and mature, you start to grow white hair and lose strength, makes me want to shout out how regretful I am not being beside you as you age) I am actually crying at this point, 'cause I deeply and really don't want you to wait for that long. I want to shower you with all the love and care I can give, but at this point, I'm really sorry I have to be far away once again from you.
I couldn't think of any other great phrase to say. I love you so much Ma, Pa. Hope this would strengthen you more. And I miss you. So bad. I will never fail you.
